i spoke at a detox the other day. I spoke about the 12 Steps and how practicing them completely changed me and my life.
I spoke about a sometimes controversial point - reliance on a Higher Power (often, aka "God") and discussed how i came to AA a sure and proud lifelong atheist.
Thru the 12 Step process, I did come to believe in Spirit and that has helped and guided me every step of the way, filling the emptiness with something far better than food, crack or alcohol.
It was a process and one that gives me goosebumps to this day -- it always amazes and thrills me that I can believe.
Through my beliefs and my actions, i AM able to realize that substance, any substance, will not meet my emotional needs. Even with food, i really am perfectly and comfortably moderate. i may still be cuckoo about the weight from time to time (mostly when i'm hormonal) BUT i don't use food.
So, there i was at the detox with a group of detoxing addicts and alcoholics, most of whom put on a tough exterior. And i gave my little usual talk.
After i spoke there was a LONG LINE of people lined up to ask me the same question, "I'm an atheist like you were -- can I find God?"
I suppose i shouldn't have been surprised. All my life i envied people of faith. All my boyfriends were always deeply religious and i wanted what they had, but i thought it wasn't available to me.
AA literature says of atheists, "actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God."
i can not speak for anyone else, and wouldn't want to, but for me that is true.
